How to Manage Intrusive Thoughts and Worries: A Guide to Cognitive Defusion

Do you often struggle with intrusive thoughts, constant worries, or catastrophic visions of what might go wrong? Perhaps you frequently ask yourself questions like, “What if my daughter gets in a car crash?” or “What if I said something offensive at the party?” Dealing with these kinds of difficult thoughts is incredibly common. However, without effective strategies to manage them, they can spiral out of control. This happens because our brains are similar to a two-year-old: the more attention we give something, the louder it becomes.

For instance, if a toddler says a naughty word and gets a big reaction, they’ll likely repeat it for attention. Similarly, when we react strongly to intrusive thoughts, we inadvertently teach our brains that these thoughts are important—and they grow louder. Many of us unknowingly use unhelpful strategies to deal with these thoughts, which can make the situation worse. Let’s explore these common pitfalls and learn how to adopt healthier approaches.

Common Mistakes in Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts

1. Suppressing the Thought

Trying not to think about something—like telling yourself not to imagine a pink elephant—usually backfires. The harder you try to suppress the thought, the more persistent it becomes. This happens because suppressing thoughts signals to your brain that they’re dangerous, causing your brain to worry more.

2. Believing the Thought

When you believe an intrusive thought, your brain assigns it more significance. For example, if you think, “What if I drift into oncoming traffic?” and interpret this as evidence that you’re dangerous, you might avoid driving altogether. This avoidance reinforces the thought’s perceived danger, making it louder and more frequent.

3. Arguing with the Thought

Engaging in internal debates, such as “Did I hurt Cathy’s feelings? Maybe, but it wasn’t that offensive. Or maybe nobody likes me,” can create a rabbit hole of arguments. This mental back-and-forth gives the thought more power and distracts you from living in the moment.

4. Distracting Yourself

Turning to screens, drama, or substances to escape your thoughts may offer temporary relief, but it also prevents you from addressing the root of the problem. Avoidance behaviors send your brain the message that these thoughts are dangerous, making them more persistent over time.

A Better Approach: Cognitive Defusion

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a powerful solution called cognitive defusion. This technique helps you create distance between yourself and your thoughts, allowing you to notice them without agreeing, disagreeing, or trying to suppress them. The goal is to acknowledge the thought, then shift your attention back to the present moment. Let’s look at some practical ways to use this approach.

Helpful Phrases for Managing Intrusive Thoughts

1. Greet Your Mind
   • Thought: “What if this panic attack is a heart attack?”
   • Response: “Hello, mind. I see you’re worrying again. We’ll see what happens.”
   • This response acknowledges the thought without fueling it and helps you return to the present moment.
2. Question the Thought
   • Thought: “What if my daughter gets in a car crash?”
   • Response: “If I believe this thought, will it help me live the life I want?”
   • By questioning the usefulness of the thought, you can decide whether it’s worth your energy.
3. Name the Story
   • Thought: “What if I lose my job and end up miserable?”
   • Response: “Oh, there’s the ‘catastrophe’ story again.”
   • Naming repetitive thoughts takes away their power and allows you to refocus on what matters.
4. Practice “Maybe, Maybe Not”
   • Thought: “What if people don’t like me?”
   • Response: “Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. Who knows? We’ll see.”
   • This response reduces the urgency of needing certainty and helps you return to the present.
5. Thank Your Mind
   • Thought: “What if I feel anxious at work?”
   • Response: “Thank you, mind, for trying to protect me. Let’s see what happens.”
   • Acknowledging your mind’s efforts with kindness can make intrusive thoughts less intimidating.

Living a Rich and Meaningful Life

The ultimate goal is to stop struggling with intrusive thoughts and start focusing on living the life you care about. By practicing cognitive defusion, you teach your brain that these thoughts aren’t as important as they seem. Over time, their intensity and frequency will decrease.

If you’d like to dive deeper into managing thoughts and emotions, consider exploring resources like:

• Emotion Processing Courses: Learn research-backed strategies to work through difficult emotions.
• Intrusive Thoughts Courses: Dr. Kat Green’s program specializes in managing OCD-related thoughts.
• Stop Worrying Courses: Dr. Nick Wignall’s course offers effective techniques to reduce worry.

For more insights and practical tools, check out my website. Links to these resources are available in the description.